Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
