you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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