Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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