first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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