we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
