I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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