Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
