dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
