The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
