Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
