I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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