So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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