I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
