my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
