P.S. I can't hear my feet
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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