i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize