Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
