I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
