Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
