guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i think my cat just said my name.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
