at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
