smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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