i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
