Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
