Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
