How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
