Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
