jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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