You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
