He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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