oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
