i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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