I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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