My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
