yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
