it hurts more in the daytime
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
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Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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