lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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