I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
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I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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