The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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