I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
