escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
