Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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