if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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