How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
