I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He shit in the fireplace
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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