I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
