We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
