My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
