Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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