Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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