He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
