What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
bring money and cleavage
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
