onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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