this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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