He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize