Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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