Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
