i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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