yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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