i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
