Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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