What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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