I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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