I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am available for nakedness
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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