does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
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My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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