lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
