What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am naked and annoyed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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