my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
