Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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